A Review of The
Fountain of Youth by Olszyk
Distribution Service: Apple +
MPAA Rating, PG-13
OSV Rating, Not rated at the time of this review
Reel Rating, Two Reels
Disclaimer: Contains Spoilers
The Foutain
of Youth is one of the great mythological quests throughout humanity: a spring
that gives immortality. It has also seen several film adaptations, including
one of the greatest lines in film history when discovered by the Spanish
at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Here is a fun
adaptation by British action director Guy Richie that draws from multiple
influences including Raiders of the Lost Ark, Tomb Raider, and The
DaVinci Code. It never rises to the level of its predecessors, but there
are worst ways to spend a lazy summer evening.
The story
begins with Luke Purdue (John Krasinski), an art thief with an oddly
sophisticated set of martial art skills. After narrowly escaping a Thai gang,
he crashes the gallery of his curator sister Charlotte (Natalie Portman),
stealing one of her paintings and getting her fired in the process. It turns
out this painting is part of sequential code hidden by renaissance masters to
reveal the location of the Fountain of Youth. Funded by dying billionaire Owen
(Domhnall Gleeson), Luke enlists his freshly unemployed and bewildered sibling
on an international adventure to find this elusive elixir, all while avoiding
two antagonistic factions – one legal, one mystical. This leads to a final
showdown beneath the pyramids of Giza, where there is a predictable twist in
the story.
Guy Richie
is a veteran of action movies, and he could do this genre of film in his sleep.
Perhaps he did. The fight sequences and car chases are tight, well edited, exciting,
and engaging. Meanwhile, in the few moments that don’t involve karate chops or
machine guns, the story is underdeveloped and lazy. This is classic “by the
books” movie that uses every trope established by the Indiana Jones
series, especially the ship of fools cast. There’s a witty, handsome
protagonist, an annoying female sidekick, a deadly femme fatale, a bloated
billionaire, and even a child who finds a sudden clue at the last minute.
There’s a
Monkey’s Paw dilemma when they finally discover the Fountain, which has a neat
design. One can drink from the well and achieve eternal life, but it requires
taking the life of the thing you love the most. In Luke’s case, that would be
his sister and nephew. He won’t do this and refuses the offer. “It’s all
yours,” he tells Owen. It’s a simple and obvious lesson that could just have
easily been told in a two-minute animated Bible story, but in an age where
people freely sacrifice their loved ones for fame or power, it’s an important
lesson nonetheless.
Owen has a
different dilemma. The person he loves the most is himself. For him, there is
no sacrifice. He will take the water, live forever, and have absolute power.
Fortunately, he is stopped by the sexy female assassin Esme (Eiza González) who
uses an ancient key to shut down the well’s mechanism. The audience is then
treated to a truly bizarre backstory. We learn Esme is part of ancient
religious order tasked with hiding the location of the Fountain. Her unnamed
mentor – played in a single scene by Stanley Tucci, who acts strikingly like
his character in Conclave – explains that at some point mankind will be
selfless enough to drink from the Fountain, achieve eternal life, and be given
“unlimited energy” but is not yet ready. In other words, humans, thanks
probably to science or psychology or something, will one day evolve out of out
our negative impulses and then be ready to achieve godhood. This is a truly
evil philosophy that hardens back to the Tower of Babel. Thank goodness he
didn’t become Pope.
Despite
this ridiculous lore, The Fountain of Youth is mostly just good,
adolescent fun. It doesn’t rise to the level of campy cult favorites like The
Mummy (1999), but it would be a lie to say I didn’t smile a lot. Also,
never drink anything promising eternal youth or endless riches. It’s probably a
scam, and if it isn’t, that would be much, much worse.
This article first appeared in Catholic World Report on May 31st, 2025.
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