Nick Park Chases the Ball

The caveman, his cavegirl, his cavepig, and a...soccer ball?

“Nick Park Chases the Ball”

A Review of Early Man by Nick Olszyk

MPAA Rating, PG

CNS Rating, A-II

Reel Rating, Two Reels           

            Early Man is the worst film ever made by Nick Park and his brainchild Aardman Animation. This may appear an overly harsh criticism, but that’s only because all of Park previous creations (Wallace and Gromit, Chicken Run, Shaun the Sheep) were delightfully brilliant, and this picture is just…bland, so terribly bland. I expect this from Dreamworks or Illumination, but Aardman is 2^nd only to Pixar in terms of churning out masterpieces. Even great directors are only human, or this case cro-magnon.

            Dug (Eddie Redmayne) and his caveman tribe reside in a lush valley, situated in the heart of the meteor crater that killed the dinosaurs. They live a peaceful life of hunting rabbits, making bathroom humor, and not much else. Suddenly, they are invaded by the villainous Lord Nooth (Tom Hiddleson), riding atop an armor-clad mammoth, who kicks them out and razes their home to mine the ore beneath. “The age of stone is over,” he smirks. “Long live the age of bronze.” Dug sneaks into Nooth village and discovers their love for soccer. He challenges Nooth’s companion team to win their valley back.

            At the this point in the narrative, I thought I could predict that next two-thirds of the movie, and my expectations were met without deviation. Dug’s ragtag team is bad, they find a ringer, go through a montage to become good, Nooth tries to cheat, there is a possible betrayal but not really, and the tribe wins the day and even reconciles with their bronze neighbors. There’s even some classic repudiation of sexism and speciesism in sports typical of modern children’s films. Yawn.

            What made Park’s Wallace and Gromit series so memorable was how the characters were both totally original yet felt so familiar. The humor also arose from the unusual situations this odd couple found themselves in time and time again. Early Man has none of this. The characters are one-dimensional and the “humor” is just a series of corny jokes. The marketing campaign also was manipulative, emphasizing the Neolithic aspect for American audiences and the soccer element for Europeans, for which we have a just amount of apathy. There was more joy in the 30 second Shaun the Sheep trailer about aliens than this whole movie.

            There is nothing offensive or deliberately awful about Early Man, but neither is there anything compelling or novel. It’s not just dull but painfully dull. Painful because one knows its creators have done so much better in the past. Breaking a stainless record can be advantageous, however, as it takes off the burden of being perfect. Every great saint has some sins, and that’s partly what makes them good models. They pick themselves up, repent, and keep going. Again, if the trailer for Farmageddon: A Shaun the Sheep Movie is any indication, they have already learned their lesson.

This article first appeared in Catholic World Report on February 27th, 2018.