A Review of The Super Mario Bros Movie by Nick
Olszyk
Distribution Service: Theatrical
MPAA Rating, PG
OSV Rating, Not Rated at the Time of this Review
Reel Rating, Four Reels
Video game adaptations have a notorious reputation,
no more so than the Mario Brothers franchise. While these plumbers have
had the most successful home console game of all time, their single live action
film is among the
worst ever made. Yet after the success of the Pokémon films, Nintendo
finally made the gamble again, and this time it paid off. The Super Mario
Bros Movie had a relatively low bar to clear: a fun ninety-minute playtime
for eight-year-old boys. By this measure, it succeeds by literal leaps and bounds.
By any other, it doesn’t do much else.
This
picture has one of the most thinly veiled and haphazard plots of any picture in
recent memory. Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) are twentysomething brothers
still living with their parents trying to start their own plumbing business in
Brooklyn. After botching a job one day, they find a series of mysterious hidden
pipes under the city and are unwittingly sucked into a bizarre alternative
universe. This world is populated by a series of magical lands, all under threat
by the villainous turtle Bowser (Jack Black). Luigi is kidnapped by Bowser, so
Mario teams up with Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy), leader of the Mushroom
Kingdom, to rescue his brother and save the world.
If
this story sounds like the imagination of a group of fifth grade boys high on
smarty dust, it is. Bowser lives in a fortress made from an active volcano.
There’s also a Penguin kingdom with an ice castle and snowball catapult. Mario
can eat a mushroom that turns him into a tanuki and flies by rotating his tail.
Bower’s unrequited love for Princess Peach, including a piano solo, sounds like
the invention of someone who has no idea how romance works. The Princess is
vaguely attractive but approachable, although her damsel-in-distress motif has
been significantly weakened. Like The LEGO Movie, there is a joyful
feeling that the audience was being treated to an inside look at the child in
all of us.
In
this sense, the story doesn’t really matter; it is an excuse to get to the next
action scene. The best of these is the go-kart sequence where Mario and his
friends must escape a gang of koopas on the notorious Rainbow Road. Clearly
taking a page from Mad Max, the evil turtle karts are blinged out with
spikes, weapons, and other steampunk accessories. Fortunately, Mario has played
enough of his own game to utilize shells, bananas, and launch pads to his advantage.
This sequence made the game come alive. When I saw a defeated koopa transform
into the dreaded blue shell and chase after Mario I screamed “NO!” so loud it
woke my two-month-old. Any man of my generation will understand the pure
communist injustice of having that despicable item dispatched against your hard-earned
1st place.
As
far as cinematic production is concerned, Mario is…okay. The story is dismal,
the dialogue decent, and the voice acting is good, although Bowser is far more
Jack Black than himself. One item that my wife noticed was a glaring plot hole
that could have easily been filled. Several times Bowser is updated by his
stooge Kamek on Mario’s actions and whereabouts, but it is never established
how he receives this information. Meanwhile, an anthropomorphic mushroom named
Toad insists on traveling with Mario and Peach to help in their quest. His
loyalty and attachment are odd, especially to these strangers. It seemed
fitting that he would be revealed as a spy for Bowser, an easy plot twist that would
show some basic screenwriting knowledge. Yet, it never happens. It’s simple to conclude
that this is just a glorified commercial – albeit a fine one.
My
oldest son first heard about this movie back in September and has been counting
down the days since. When we attended the screening, my brood all brought their
toys and plushies. They cheered and laughed the whole time. When Donkey Kong
appeared, my 2nd oldest son stood up and loudly pounded his chest
gorilla style to show his devotion. In their world, it was one of the greatest
movies ever made, and, for them, they are right.
This article first appeared in Catholic World Report on April 13th, 2023.
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