The Purpose Driven Date

Potential soulmates?

“The Purpose Driven Date”

A Review of The Dating Project by Nick Olszyk

MPAA Rating, Not rated at the time of this review

USCCB Rating,  Not rated at the time of this review

Reel Rating, Four Reels            

            If there is any truth to the adage “star crossed lovers,” my wife and I would probably be it. Moments after we met on May 1^st, 2010, I inquired about her favorite television show. She mentioned Mystery Science Theater 3000, an obscure, nerdy, late night program about a janitor and two robots trapped on a spaceship and forced to watch bad science fiction movies. It was favorite show; eight years later, we have a house, a dog, three beautiful children, and a decent collection of MST3K dvds. Yet, our experience is rare. Most Millennials, Catholic or not, spend their twenties and even thirties aimlessly wandering through a haze of frequent but short relationships, wanting to settle down but never finding “the one.” There may be “plenty of fish in the sea,” but there is such a thing as too many fish. The Dating Project, a documentary that comes from a joint effort of both PureFlix and Paulist Productions, does a wonderful job summing up this problem and even offering some practical, easy-to-follow solutions.

            The documentary follows the lives of five single Christians over the course of a year as they attempt to find love in a culture that seems completely unable to define its terms. “The word ‘hook-up’ is great,” states Professor Kerry Cornin, “because it perfectly describes the vagueness of what these young adults experience. It can mean anything from meeting for coffee to making out to casual sex.” It’s clear from the experiences of these young adults that the sexual revolution was a colossal failure, as the soon-to-be canonized Pope Paul VI predicted it would be in Humanae Vitae. There’s plenty of sex but no connection or genuine love. Rasheeda, a television producer in thirties, recalled that after a few outings, she asked her man if they were dating. “Why do we have to use a label?” was his confused answer. The statistics are staggering: for the first time in US history, more than half the population is unmarried. The problem has become so bad that it has lead to entirely new terminology for those who have altogether given up on romance, preferring to call themselves “asexual” or “non-binary.” It’s only a small step until someone identifies as “non-human.”

Cornin suggests a radical alternative: dating. This might seem counter-intuitive but in a culture so sexualized, the idea of a guy taking a girl out just to get to know her in an interactive activity is revolutionary.  In her phycology class, Cornin requires every student to go on a date as an assignment. Her rules are simple but impressive:

1.      You ask, you pay

2.      The date cannot last any longer than 60 minutes, 90 if the date is going well

3.      Nothing more intimate than an A-frame hug or side-hug (ask an evangelical)

Her students are caught off guard at how freeing these “rules” allow them to be. Others are uncomfortable because the lack of sexual contact makes them more vulnerable. Cecilia, a Spanish immigrant in her late twenties, begins to cry after recounting how good it felt just have a guy stroke her arm. “I miss that touch,” she says through tears.

            What really makes The Dating Project succeed is not Cornin’s technique but the five young people who emerge as unlikely victims in a society gone wrong. Besides Rasheeda and Cecilia, there’s Matt and Shanzi, students in Cornin’s class. Matt is extremely attractive but painful aloof to romance and, perhaps fortunate for him and his future wife, his desirability. Shanzi is a stereotypical, chatty Post-Millennial who never leaves a latte off Instagram yet admits she feels totally inadequate around men. Lastly is Christopher, an actor in his early 40s who struggles with being both Catholic and relevant in cutthroat Hollywood. “I’m not stocking what I’m selling,” he finally admits in a moment of clarity. Not all of them may find their true love, but by being honest and holy in their romantic lives, all can find peace.

            Many Christians have suggested a return to courting or even arranged marriages as a solution to world’s romance woes. There’s an argument for these ideas, but in the meantime, Cornin’s practical advice has potential for tremendous good. The problem isn’t dating itself but its detachment from marriage. “It’s crazy,” Cornin wonders. “We don’t sit a bar waiting for someone to come offer us a job, we actively search for it. Why would searching for our spouse be any less?” Dating is discernment, and the goal is marriage. Love has rules, the chief of which is found in the greatest spouse humanity has even experienced: “No greater love exists than this, that one would lay down one’s life for a friend.”

This article first appeared in Catholic World Report on April 19th, 2018.