Size Does Matter

“Size Does Matter”

Jason Statham and his shark

A Review of The Meg by Nick Olszyk

MPAA Rating, PG-13

USCCB Rating, A-III

Reel Rating, Two Reels           

            The Meg is a shark movie that delivers on exactly what it promises: big sharks, cool special effects, jump scares, heroic action stars, girls in bikinis screaming, and an unlucky dog. What makes this individual shark movie slightly different is its ability to a find a middle ground between ridiculous (Sharknado) and serious (Jaws). It has zero ambition beyond popcorn entertainment but manages to keep from descending into unintentional laughs. It won’t keep me from the beach but will keep me from thinking about my car insurance for two hours.

            In a film about an extinct animal wreaking havoc in the present, it makes sense to start with an explanation. A team of scientists working out of an underwater laboratory discover that the bottom of the Mariana Trench is not solid rock but a thin layer of liquid hydrogen sulfide that conceals a hidden ecosystem. Think Journey to the Center of the Earth underwater. After easily pushing through the layer – that supposedly is impenetrable to everything beneath it – they discover an Avatar-like world of strange and wonderful animals. Their excitement is short lived when the sub is attacked by Megalodon – an 80-foot shark and the largest predator to have ever existed. Of course, he gets into the open ocean and threatens to chew up everything in his path. Rather than call the United Nations, the Chinese government, or the Discovery Channel, they decide on vigilante justice and go after the creature themselves.

            The Meg, and countless other undersea horror films that proceeded it, feeds off one of the most important fears in the human consciousness: the sea. In the Judeo-Christian tradition of storytelling, the ocean has always had a dark but hypnotic archetypal quality. The ancient Israelites, unlike many of their pagan neighbors, were not a seafaring people. Thus, open water was dark, dangerous, and cancelled hidden terrors. The psalms are full of this kind of imagery, and God’s ultimate physical power lies in his abilities to “calm the waves.” Even in the present, the surface of the moon is better mapped than the floor of the ocean. The colossal and giant squid, once thought legendary, were not officially discovered and studied until less than twenty years ago. Who can really tell what lurks in the darkness, sometimes only a few feet away?

            The films toys with the fear efficiently, with much of the tension coming from lack of knowledge about the shark’s location until he’s right next to the camera. The movie also begins with around twenty characters which minute by minute are killed off, leaving the viewer wondering who might be next. Of course, some people are off limits: the hero, his girl, the kid, and one of the minority crew members (but just one).

Jason Statham plays the hero, deep sea diver Jonas Taylor, with his usual action swagger. He’s one of my personal favorites and half the reason I wanted to see the film (the other half being the shark). He rarely makes a false move, even if it costs him, and constantly throws out fun quips all the while. My favorite moment in the film was him humming Dory’s swimming mantra from Finding Nemo while he tried to put a tracker on the shark.

Statham, and the film itself, are 100% predictable, but that was fine. It was refreshing to sit back and watch the story unfold, safe in the knowledge the script would not stray. If The Meg is your kind of movie, you’ll like it. If not, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.