Worse than Bad

 

The Scyler. err...Sanderson Sisters

Worse than Bad

A Review of Hocus Pocus 2 by Nick Olszyk

 

Distribution Service: Disney +

MPAA Rating, PG

USCCB Rating, Not Rated at the time of this review

Reel Rating, One Reel             

 

            When Hocus Pocus premiered in 1993, it was a small, poorly received flick that nonetheless found a second chance on Disney Channel reruns, becoming a Halloween cult classic for the Millennial generation. Now that we have our own 1.8 children, the Mouse coven has decided to bequeath us with a sequel few wanted. Hocus Pocus 2 is a mess from start to finish, clearly an exercise in ramming out a product with little planning and even less faith. Some franchises are best left dead.

            Hocus Pocus 2 is so divergent from its source, there’s no reason to rehash the original, which was not great but Citizen Kane by comparison. The current story focuses on Becca (Whitney Beak), a well-played out “loner but cool” type whose 16^th birthday is this Halloween. She lives in modern-day Salem, which accordingly to local legend was almost destroyed by three witches thirty years prior. This Halloween her thoughts are not on returning necromancers but typical teen drama (her childhood friend is growing distant). She gets a cursed candle as a present from magic shop and accidentally summons the Sanderson sisters. What occurs next is a hodgepodge of subplots, none of which work especially well. At first, the witches seem intent on their old habit of stealing child souls but that quickly dissolves into revenge on the mayor, which also is put on the back burner to casting a literal “Super” spell to give themselves ultimate power. There’s also a Zombie who loses his head, a living spellbook bound in human skin, and a clueless football player boyfriend of the jilted friend. The film ends with a quasi-decent affirmation of friendship and family, but one could honestly get that from over a hundred other better Disney films in the $5 bin at Walmart.

            Whenever a film deals with paganism, occult, or witchcraft, one must be cautious, especially if the picture is marketed to a younger audience. This does not mean a work is automatically unacceptable. Such imagery could be metaphorical (The Chronicles of Narnia), culturally specific (My Neighbor Totoro), or even used as a warning against such practices (the original Hocus Pocus). This film doesn’t promote paganism as a positive ideology but does the next worse thing: gives mixed and often contradictory messages. Most of the pagan tropes are loosey-goosey like force lightning and levitation, but there are also references to blood rituals and child stealing. The villains are witches, but, by the end of the film, so are the protagonists. Thus, paganism is shown as benign, often silly, and not something to be taken seriously one way or the other.

            One of the greatest worries entering Hocus Pocus 2 (or any Disney production post 2020) is the commitment the company has placed on far-left social values; one executive even claimed that, moving forward, half of all characters will be queer. Even if unmanifested, the constant anxiety of encountering an uncomfortable situation hinders enjoyment. There are no obviously gay characters, but there is plenty of crossing dressing. The real Sanderson sisters accidently crash a look-a-like contest of themselves where every entry is male. If only one of these candidates was male, this could have been a funny joke in classic Monty Python fashion but instead feels like a drag show, which is decisively unfunny. There are also several conversations about “being different” and an awkward quarrel between Becca and her friend’s boyfriend about bullying. Parental figures are completely absent from the lives of these teenagers, and every adult who is a major character is portrayed as a bumbling idiot.

            Hocus Pocus 2 is bad, so bad in fact that my wife and I thoroughly enjoyed it purely as an act in mockery. Yet aside from this niche aspect, it fails in almost every aspect. Fortunately, these three tired witches disappear at end, leading to a sigh of relief…until the post credits scene leaves open the possibility of their return. This not only leaves open the possibility of a sequel but simultaneously negates the entire film. Wow.